I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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