I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
