Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
