Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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