it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my being single is dangerous.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
