please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
