vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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