laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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