I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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