i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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