Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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