you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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