While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
