i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
