get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
