Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
