1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
