her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
