A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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