I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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