What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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