How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
