You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
