I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
