my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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