bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
