She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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