oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it's like iHOP with fire
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
