me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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