Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
