I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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