dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
