Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
