Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's blow job season.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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