Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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