Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
