How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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