sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize