Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
