Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
