So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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