You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
