I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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