i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What a dumb baby whore.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
