All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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