I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
