I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
