Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize