There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
