sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
