I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
