Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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