I think my fart just growled at me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
