what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize