Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
