I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
