i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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