the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
