You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize