My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
