they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
