Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
