Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize