I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
