Ambien. No doubt about it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
