Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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