dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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