That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
