There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
