My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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